Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Almost Legit

So I finally did it. I applied to school. ASU to be exact. And I'll admit it was easy, but it took me a long time to complete the application. There was some nail baiting involved, a lot of pacing back and forth from the computer to the kitchen and the usual amount of trepidation that comes when filling out anything official. Don’t get me wrong, I've applied for schools before, too many times. But this time my hesitation didn't come from the usual source. Self doubt. I found my self wavering every time I fudged the truth a little in say, proving my residency or failed to enter an entire semester of community college in San Marcos, California. Just things like that. You know, like you'd do in a resume.

I did those things at first just as I am used to; always trying to get one over on the man if I can. I entered information just so and omitted unnecessary details all the while convincing myself that it would make the application process easier for all of us, including the man. But every time I did it, clicked little white lies with my mouse, I don’t know it lacked the luster of the hustle that I have become accustomed to. I was at some what of an ethical crossroads here, and I needed guidance.

So I dialed my friend Xinthia, bonafide hustler slash trusted academic advisor. Straight to voice mail. Damn. I really wanted her permission to be naughty. So I thought to myself, why not just call the advisor I saw today. No, I really thought this. Maybe if I laid it all out for him, he would tell me that there was no need to tell the truth on these things. hmm... And you know what? I actually called, but luckily I didn't get passed the department voicemail system before I was interrupted by my boyfriend's work number popping up on the screen. I happily took the call and bypassed the small talk to make my case to him: Lie on application, expedite acceptance process, deal with consequences later." He said what I knew he'd say all along "just tell the truth."


So I did. I went back and convoluted the application with as much confusing and red flag raising information about myself as possible. But it was all true. And it felt, like something I hadn't felt during my educational career in a long time, it felt right.

And finally at the last page of the application, the one that warns that any false information might result in cancellation of enrolment, I felt ready to submit. And just at that moment, I lost my wi-fi connection. For the love of god! In the middle of giving myself a righteous pat on the back for accomplishing something that is expected of all students, I’d forgotten that I'd been stealing wi-fi from a friendly neighbor in order to do it. Will I ever be legit?

But I mean it wasn't like I was ferociously masturbating on xtube when all of a sudden the video stopped loading at the point of climax. No this was some real life need for internet access; I had to get that application in post-haste. Without a second thought I clicked on someone else's unsecured network and sent that baby on through.

Now that shit felt good.


  1. That's cool that you got ur application sent! :) As Hammer would say, you were "(almost) too legit, (almost) too legit to quit!" lol

  2. Like the theme of ethical dilemmas, and the choice you ended up siding with. I prefer hungrily masturbating.

  3. This is pretty funny. I had to stifle an out-loud laugh so as not to wake my baby.