Friday, December 11, 2009

I Feel that Like, this Represents the Inner Person, and Like, You Know, Their Outer Person is Trying to Like, Suppress that Inner Person and Like, You Know…

I have to write a shit load of poetry by Tuesday. I wanted to set aside a day to actually write some of that, over coffee, like a date, with myself. So ennui. The new Cartel downtown did just open.

So this poetry is for a class of course. One that I like despite realizing I am totally not a poet. Which is ok. I think I'll always remember this class though, not because I found out that my work sounds like the end of an NPR blurb, I took that as an unintended compliment. Not because everyone in there seemed pretty cool, and they were. No, I'll remember this class like we all remember those dreams we had as kids, where we were at school in our underwear (in mine they often gave me the power to hover over the basket ball court).

We read our work aloud you know, and for as much as I love to hear myself talk, reading aloud has of late, started to choke me up. Not as in, "oh this is about an ex-boyfriend," please, if I've learned on thing about writing it's that, sentiment is nice, but you better get over that quick, if you want anyone to read it. No, I get choked up about the audience. It-s a relatively new phenomena, I mean I've never been a fan of public speaking, but I'm getting like, shortness of breath over here. And not before, or after, just while I'm reading. But the thing is, my poems are ALWAYS about ex-boyfriends or some shit that went down in my family or I don't know, being touched in the bathroom at Macy's. So, when my ass starts stuttering in front of all these people, it sounds like I'm getting all in touch with my emotions in front of them. Either way they always give good feedback, the whole time I'm taking it in quietly, as one should during a workshop, but really wanting to say aloud "Uh, I wasn't getting all emotional in front of you guys, I swear." Or was I?

Well after today, but definitely by Tuesday, I'm gonna bust out with some Pablo Neruda shit for you guys, or at least something that his retarded cousin would have written.


  1. Oooooh buddy! Public speaking or even worse, reading something that stems from emotions like poetry, is just asking for some sort of embarrassment.

    To some degree.

    Yikes, but hey, some ladies like guys in tune with their emotions. So, maybe it's a good thing?

    Is this helping?


    (By they way, I found my way here through 20sb)

  2. As a veteran of live performances I can say that it is a combination of wanting to please the crowd, combined with something that's raw and that you're passionate about, combined with finding a voice to read it in, combined with expectations of "what will they think of me after I read this." At least that's what it is for me. I get nervous every time I've read a piece, If you don't maybe you're not reaching deep down enough.

  3. Maybe because public readings require so much of your personality to be projected, rather than just you reading from a notecard? Emotions are bound to be involved.

    p.s. Pablo Neruda is the shit!

  4. Your blog is such a breath of fresh air, so delightful and joyous! A real source of inspiration, thank you for your many morsels of goodness.

    If you have a moment or two, please amuse yourself with my new creation. I would greatly appreciate the brief moment of adoration and any suggestions.

    Thank You.

  5. You guys just made me check out Pablo Neruda. I've been checking out poems for my course this past couple of days and would love a pointer or two regarding poetry.

    Like you Dugaldo, Im totally not a poet too. But if i cant live the life of a good writer, at least I could try to be one. Am looking to see what Pablo Neruda's retarded cousin would write.

    I'm @

  6. public speaking is totally weird. even if you're not reading emotionally charged poetry. hell, i can't even talk about what i had for lunch without stuttering. so i get this.

    also- i heart neruda.

  7. Public speaking... there is a reason why so many fear the thought of speaking to a crowd. Especially when that crowd is expected to give you feedback both positive and nega-...constructive. However, there is nothing quite like the rush of finishing a performance or speech and having done well.

  8. I definitely understand your frustration with public speaking. It's always been hard for me to convey personal thoughts without having some influx of emotions coming through. Thanks for checking out my blog by the way. It was my first comment, ever!

  9. I think you are a natural performer and you will get better at it ;)