Come on Freud. Because he was so much gayer than I was. It was a lot easier to hate him for being gay out loud than to admit how much I hated myself at the time. And you know what I really hated about Fairy Michael? How none of it seemed to phase him. He kept that gay little chin up and he hung out with the coolest girls and had the best god damn X-Men trading card collection I ever did lay my eyes on. Boy just handled it. And I learned a lot from hating him for it.
I ran into him at the mall of course some time after high school and girl did we catch up. He was doing well and so was I. We had both long since come out so there was no pretense. Just a lot of dishing about so and so from middle school. And that was it. We were cool.
Now when I wasn't terrorizing my peers with self loathing and misguided angst, I was actually a pretty good kid. I liked to read and draw and make friends with the class clowns and the underdogs. I liked day dreaming a lot. Every now and then I was picked on too. In high school all three of the guys that I remember calling me a fag in ninth or tenth grade were trying to chill with me in eleventh or twelfth grade. Why? Cause I had the hottest girl friends. I told you I learned a lot from Michael.
But I knew back then what I sometimes forget now. I was one of the lucky ones. When I think about those boys who were driven to take their own life rather than endure the daily harassment that comes with being a gay youth in some parts of this country it makes me shiver. How lonely and terrifying it must have been to believe that there was not some better lives out there, than to be terrorized for who you are. Why didn't they think there was someone they could turn to? Let's not kid ourselves. That's where we messed up right?
I'll take the blame. I know I don't blog enough about how fucking great I think it is to be gay. I love being gay. I'm proud of being gay. And I wouldn't change it for any one's approval. It's my fault too because, try as I might, I do not actually cock my neck and wag my finger every time I hear the word fag used in public. It's my fault because I don't use Blogaldo enough to remind you to do the same. Celebrate gay. Please do it everyday. But we also have to defend it and especially those around us, that don't know yet what the hell that funny feeling is when they see a cute boy in class or when a Glee commercial comes on TV or when they hear a Lady Ga Ga song pop up on their iPods. They need our help.
Bullies aren't just in the school yard anymore. The one's who are smart enough have access to Facebook and worse yet blogs. But the epidemic of underdeveloped brain activity and good old fashioned hatred runs infinitely more rampant on facebook and twitter than it does at recess. Whether we lose five lgbtq young people or just one we have to ask ourselves where we are when all of this bullying is going on. Do we pretend not to see it? Do we not care? Do we really just forget that this kind of shit still happens everyday? It does. And those kids need us. They need you. I'm curious and I hope you drop me a comment because I'd really like to know. Have you ever had this talk with your kids or the kids in your life? The "it's not ok to make fun of gay people" talk. Have you ever told your kids that its ok to be gay?